is there right or wrong?

everything that happens has different sides of it, depending on the way you look at it...So, how do we actually determine whether the decisions that we make is right or wrong because when we look at it in a different angle, its different...right can be wrong and wrong can be right...do we really need to make the decision first and then only we could find out whether its right or wrong when we go down the path we choose? but if that is so, how do we actually know the other path that we DID not choose is a right or a wrong path? because we never took it...

a simple thing can get so complicated and something complicated can be simplified...

pandora's cupboard

this occured to me when i opened my cupboard...i opened my cupboard and saw the things kept inside there and i immediately closed it...but it was too late...it already went into my mind, triggering my heart once again...i do not know why the hell i opened it...but maybe its a gift...a gift given by the gods to pandora...CURIOSITY...im curious to know what i would feel when i open the door of the cupboard again...and now i know it...pain and regrets...

according to the greek myth, pandora's box was given by Zeus that created her...she is created as a punishment for mankind...and she had been given lots of unique gift from the gods which one of it was curiosity...and also because of this gift, the box that contained greed, vanity, slander, lying, envy, pining and HOPE is opened and all these that is within that box is released into the world, except HOPE...the reason was because she closed it as soon as she opened it and only HOPE is stopped from being released into the world...does this mean that HOPE doesnt exist in this world? all those hopes that people are giving to each other is none other than lies? is hopes all empty words that filled with lies? can someone tell me?

to those who is curious of what is inside that cupboard of mine...use your imaginations...to those who knows whats inside, you should know why i came by to write this...within that cupboard contained so many memeories...just looking at one thing, the pictures of each and every single item inside there is flashing in my mind...hmmm...i guess its time to let it be closed...till the time comes...

everchanging clouds

the clouds is swirling in the sky today...its gonna rain...to me...it gives me a very different feeling when its about to rain....maybe it was because of emotions again...im sure if someone were to be in a very good mood, even rainy days will be full of joy...but for those who is troubled, will ask themselves, GOD knows how i felt, thats why, the sky is just like my mood...

looking at the clouds, it never stay still...questions kept arising in my mind...why cant everything stay the same? how come things changes constantly? who actually controls them? is it destiny or GOD's plan? and what makes everything change? is it our own doing? just like the saying that says, whatever we does is seeding and whatever happens due to our doing is the fruit...but how true is it? no one could really give me an exact answer or maybe there isnt any answers at all...

life is so deep...to truly understand it, it may take a lifetime or some might not find what it truly meant till the day we leave...why do we exist and what brings us here today? its all up to YOU to determine...

is birth day reli THAT special?

im sure that each and everyone loves their birthday...waiting eagerly for the whole year for that particular day to come...we are always granted what we want on our birthdays as long as its a reasonable one...we get special treatments on that day from our friends and family especially...some of you all might have extended curfew or permission from your parents to do something that you arent allowed to do normally...

but there are different stories to listen to from different people...what a birthday means to a person is different to each and every one of us...

today, we did something for our friend on her birthday...of course, her best friends are all there for her...and yeah...shes happy about it...i was right there, looking at her...thinking, is this what our birthdays is all about? being as happy as you could on this special day, be with our friends and family and have a feast and celebrate it? is it that simple?

i started to look back at my own story...for 17 years...i can say that none of my birthday is THAT special...the way i look at my birthday is nothing but just a normal day with just something extra to eat...i never truly felt happy on that day,....instead i dont really want that day to come because on that particular day, it would only make me realise how dull my life was...how lonely i was...its true i have family to celebrate this day...but still...it just doesnt make me feel that day so special...and the only thing i look forward to in this day is the wish making, my wish all these while is to have a better birthday next year and having more colours in my life...and yeah...2 yrs back...i had something special on this day...i had something new, someone special to celebrate this day with me and filled me with surprises...and since then....i found out how special and happy this day can be to me...and i started to eargerly wait for the return of this day again...

but this year...its all so different...i dont want this day to come...cuz its never gonna be the same again...i think from now on...this "special" day is gonna be just like any normal days...

observing rather than getting involved

today i attended a farewell party of my friend...he is leaving to aus for further studies...quite a number of people were there...his secondary school friends, college mates, even cousins are there...i stood there by the side, watching them, the atmosphere is very fun...i can feel it...each and every one of them is trying to have some fun with their great friend before he leaves for months...THEN i realised something...his ex gf stood there...watching him, and smiling...i dunno about what shes feeling inside...but to me, i can definately say, she feels happy, no sign of sadness of any sort...

i think inside me...i tried putting myself in her shoes... someone you love, someone you care, someone you've been with for 2 and a half yrs is standing there right in front of your eyes, in HIS FAREWELL PARTY, if it were me, i really couldnt find myself standing there and smiling...and its a smile from within...ITS IMPOSSIBLE...but yes...it happened...and watching you there...i felt the pain...right there...i just couldnt look at you any longer...because, i feel the pain so much...so real...and i just hope to see you both getting together once again...and have happy times together...all the best to your studies over there...all the best...and cheers for you both...

memory waves

each day that goes by seemed to be a progress...and yes, there is a slight progress and i already started to think that what happened to me a month ago is a joke and its stupid...but memories is what memories are...they stay in you, follow you wherever you go and washes you away at times causing you to wake up in the middle of it, feeling helpless and lost in the middle of this particular sea...

to me, those arent just normal happy memories, everybody has...but the countless memories created between me and her for the past 2 yrs is memories that can never ever leave my heart, it is craved into my brain, heart and soul...

it was a tiring day yesterday, and a full schedule day...i taught the things that im supposed to do will distract me somehow and i didnt think i wont be able to stand ground when that wave of memories hit me...after going to college, i went back to the place i had my internship to do my clearance and on the way of going there, i passed by alot of "memorable places"...and there goes, the waves just kept hitting me... and yeah...i was washed away once again....feeling pain deep down inside...the feeling is like, you couldnt hear any sounds around you anymore, everything is switched to silent mode...the pictures you see is just grey, everything around you is grey....im walking, in a place where theres full of people, but my mind wasnt thinking at all...just walking and walking forward until my friend called me...it woke me up, i tried to be as normal as i can...but deep down inside...i know, the scar is bleeding...

unconditional love

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, he filled the palm of his hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand. It symbolizes Love"

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.

This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love ... they try to posses it, they demand, they expect ... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you. For love is meant to be free, you can not change its nature.

If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings. Give and don't expect. Advise, but don't order. Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love.To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring." Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime...

is the truth hidden in the water?

to others, yes, water symbolises love...but to me, not exactly...to me, love is a promise, a bond that binds 2 very different person into one, making both person responsible to each others...and like what it is said, give and dont expect, ask but never demand, well that is what i did...but somehow, it still ended this way...why? i think it is because to preserve that bond, to keep the promise, we need to nurture the bond, make it thicker so that even one day something were to threaten that bond, it would not snap instantly...BUT the hardest thing of all is that, to have both person nurturing the bond with the same amount of care, trust, and love...and it can never be done by only one person, it ALWAYS requires both parties...

So many definitions of love exists in this world, each and every one of it has its own truth...and yea, all i can say is that, no one can truly understand what love is, and maybe that is why, people are so obsessed of it....obsessed to find out what love is all about...GOOD LUCK in searching what LOVE meant to YOU...

the world is a shpere

people always says, what goes around comes around...well, people who doesnt really encounter matters related to this saying, would not really understand what it truly meant...i couldnt say that i understand, because for us, no one is perfect and no one is the same and each and every single matter in this world has different sides, angles and perspectives...BUT can anyone give me an answer to this, is it a MUST for something that comes to go/leave?

in order to gain something, you have to lose something...its just that everytime when we evaluate matters, we tend to only see what we will gain but is that what it is all about? to me, i dont think so, right now i only sees what i have lost but yet it doesnt mean that i dont realised what i have gained...and of course, we CANNOT have it all...it is almost impossible that a person only gains but never lose anything...

I taught i had everything i wanted half a year ago...but now that i have realised, actually, the feeling of owning everything i wanted is a sign telling me, something will have to go, very very soon...many of you would be wondering why i said this...it is because, in my whole entire life, i never had this feeling until Jan 2008...i had a bunch of old friends, im meeting alot of new college friends, my existing friends are becoming my close friends, i can do what i wanted, go where i wanted, im keeping up with my studies better than ever before, my life were never this interesting, everyday's schedule is filled, do things which is enjoyed most...but i did not foresee one thing...my time was taken and filled with other things...and all those times taken, previously belonged to a person beside me who tends to share a heart with me...at that moment, i taught im gaining more and more things, everything that i wanted, but something is also moving further and further away from me...its not something is i want...its not something that i expected...its not something that is meant to happen...but yes, it happened...i lost something that im nurturing for the past two yrs...she choose to leave...i did so many things to bring her back...and in the process of it, one by one, things that i gained is escaping my grip, studies screwed up, reputation thrown down the drain...each and everything in my life just freaking escaping my grip...or maybe, i choose to let go all those things...but its just today, i know that even im able to get her back, it can never be the same and whatever that left will never come back...but it will always remain as the greatest regret of my life...

this is a cycle, we are living in it...at 12pm the sun is right on top of your head but the next 12 hours, the sun is under your feet...you dont see it, you dont notice it, you dont know it, you arent the one controlling it BUT ITS HAPPENING whether you like it or not...but one thing you can do to make a slight difference, take note of everything that happens around you...each and every second of it...dont be blinded by things, people or matters happening around you...make sure you know and realise every changes that is happening before its all gone before your very eyes and your did not realise it and you arent able to accept it...dont ever let that happen to you...its hard...but its still possible...live with an open heart...do not be afraid that your gonna lose something when you do it because the truth is, only by opening your heart to the world and people around you, only your able to let more things come to you...

life without regrets is a lie! but destiny is on your own palms...all we can at least do is...whenever we have a choice or decision to make...make sure we choose the decision to bring out the best in yourself and to people around you...

~hweekoon~

stories of the sentient beings

each and every person has a story to tell...and most of the times, it is about the difficult or hard times in that particular person's life...to us who is listening to it, yes, those stories are very interesting but to me, i always realised something, the person who tells the story always emphasizes on the outcome of the story or the things that person had learnt from it because to them, at that point when they share their story, the thing that they truly wanna highlight is who they were today after all those hard times they have been through...

life is constantly changing with or without us realising it...it has been almost 20 yrs i exist in this world...i never dreamt that i will come to this day with all those things following behind me...i just couldnt believe what had happened to me...

after entering college, i changed alot...i hardly have friends around me...and from young, i always wanted to have a bunch of friends who cared for me and be there for me whenever i needed someone...my biggest fear is darkness and loneliness...but today, after what happened, i actually had so many people around me...trying their very best to bring me up to my feet again...i sometimes hates myself so much, questioning myself, why am i not helping myself whereby people around me are doing their best to help me...maybe i was always protected, that is why, today, im not strong enough to stand by my own to get through this...i always had something to fall back and i always wanted to win...but this time, no matter how i wanted to win, theres nothing i can do to change the fact that i had lost the care, the trust, the love i had given to someone whom i truly wanna have...

this process of recovery is extremely painful and tiring...i do not know when i will fall to my knees once again and cry for help...but i will always remember words that everyone is telling me, I CAN DO THIS...i really wanna thank each and everyone of you guys who helped me soo much....way more than a normal friend would do...the care you guys gave me, is what i wished to have always...and now i have it...i have no reason to stop there and not moving forward because i know theres alot of people ahead of me, calling for my name....i will walk through this with a great story to tell and a great lesson to share...i love you guys...thank u so much...^^