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oops...this week's kitchen week again...ummm...its worse than i expected it to be...all the comment i got is that, its too ordinary, i expected to see more from you...and yeah...its not that i did not put any effort in planning the menu...its just that my knowledge is so limited...all these while, i loved to cook because i love to eat...i cook according to what i think is nice and my feelings...i never really look out for something new, something that is bizarre, something that is so extraordinary, something that is hard to do or something very unusual...no...i cook what i think think is nice, taste good, satisfy my taste buds, make people happy and im happy...thats it...that is why what i know about the new trend right now is so so limited compared to others...but well its just so disappointing...after all those things i went through, i cant really see where i will stand or where i will be in the next 5 years...its very blur right now...im just moving with the flow but not plowing my own path, a path which i wanna walk...

cooking has always been very enjoyable and very satisfactory at times when im able to make people happy and sometimes my ability to cook links me to more people...i love what im doing...and today, its just a disappointing day...im not defeated by the words thrown at me or defeated by the others, but im defeated by, myself...i cannot lose....i cannot afford to lose...but then, it is so obvious that i lost...and it just felt so bad....what happened today is once again linked to something similar, but nothing to do with my career, something related to the past...thinking of her is just like adding salt, vinegar, lemon juice to my wound...

when something ends or over, from the second that it is decided, anything that happens the next second just doesnt matter anymore...life is full of mysteries and also miseries...and you never really know what is the result of something until the moment of determining it arrives, even the very last second counts and matters but once it is decided, it is history...