trigger

my day today is similar to having a walk in one of the former battlefields where hidden bombs are buried underneath and every step of mine could be the last...all these while i had been trying so hard...i taught everything were slowing down already...in fact it did...but the news today hit me so hard where from that second where that sentence registered in my head, my heart were pounding so hard till now...anything but this...i already let go of most of the things, trying to have a life of mine once again just like 3 years ago but this news today was just the trigger of everything where every single thing i tried to lock away just exploded all over my mind...i dont know what will be next, i do not have the power over what is next and i dont wanna know as well...and right now at this moment, i just hope that she has everything that she has been asking for and even though its stupid but i still do want her to be happy in any way possible...its a great test today on how far am i...and i failed but i didnt fail as bad as i did months ago...i will hang on no matter how hard it is gonna be but then if shes down there for me, eventhough it might be a sea of flames, i am going to willingly enter it...i still trust that god has great plans for me...