Friday, July 25, 2008

a night...too quiet...

such a tiring day today...being in the college from 1o to 10 at night...how tiring can that be?...kitchen is fun!...its the first class of the term for hot cooking...enjoyed it....and feeling so satisfied with what i had done, it lifted my heart a little...

i had done so much to get on...i tried focusing and putting my energy in something else...i tried to forget....i tried to take it easy...i tried not to think bout it and do something else and enjoy my time spent with my friends in college...i really taught i was very far from the starting point....looking at the dark sky tonight....deep down inside....loneliness is still haunting me....that wound never really heal no matter how i pretend it has gone alot better....choosing to ignore the pain can be helpful at times....but when the times of realisation comes....its can be so disastrous....

every since that night...i realised alot of things...truly realised what is going on...things are impossible to undo...deep inside me...that heavily locked vault, reopened once again...and i found out that every single thing in my life can never be the same as before anymore no matter how hard i try to accept things and face it! and i think i have to change the way of me living life and be a different person and maybe im able to get through all these...i know its getting boring...i know people whos reading this think im such a dumbass...yeah i am...i really do not know how many times this has to happen...again, again and again and i really couldnt tell when this will end, completely...

rainbows can never really end...and to those who appreciate and believe the beauty and the magical feelings it can bring...that magical image will stay in your eyes for as long as you can breathe...till today...that image of that double rainbow on that beautiful evening is still so deeply carved into my heart and still exists before my very eyes in the empty, dark, starless sky...

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