not too bad

it started badly but at the end of it, its reli not too bad...i do not know what it means but i just know that, we held the choices of what we intend to be in our very own hands...getting on with my daily routine, trying to take things in and cope with it at the same time is really not too bad...maybe it was because i am doing something i like with a bunch of very very good friends...well at least they are to me...

at the end of this indifferent day, i taught its going to be hell...i was still in the college till 7.30pm and i taught i would have dinner alone later on...in a way, i wanted to think and refresh about the past when im alone but then, at least, two of my friends just accompanied me for dinner...and after that, another special friend who were celebrating somebody else's birthday elsewhere just came by and watched a movie with me...what else can i ask for???

the conversation i had with my friends during dinner made me realised one thing...theres alot of people except our family comes and goes from our lives...even the closest friend would one day be further away...you least expect it but it does happen, all the time...and they told me one thing, if nothing changed for the past 5 months, till today, it would all be different, again, if i never lose it, i never know how important it truly is to me, maybe i would even just spend an ordinary night out with her tonight instead of me having big plans for her today after all those things where i know those plans can never be carried out...what is it all about? theres no point to it...we are only able to appreciate when we lose out, especially things that is lost forever...

im still questioning myself...in what position am i in today to her? i felt like im even lesser than a friend...i couldnt even manage to wish her by face to face, by phone or even by words...i do not truly know what happened but im just totally ignored...she called me in the morning, using a public number, and i wasnt in time to answer it...it is all fated...i sent her email and ecards to her wishing her right after the clock strikes 12 but she never read it today...in the end, the urge to call her up in her house just to talk to her was so strong...but in the end, i didnt do it as well...i think i know whats going on...i guess its that she wants to give this special day entirely for him and no one else...is this being selfish? i dunno.....but im quite sure i would have done the same for someone i truly love...my time is over...things shifts over time...all i could say is just appreciate whatever is around you as much as you can and whenever you are able to...

without you guys, i dunno how am i to get through this day...i really do not know how to tell you guys how thankful i am...seriously, god did not take it all away but in a way, god is trying to give me something else for a change...and for that fruitless branch, it is just that my time hasnt come yet and not anytime near future...