both once, alone now

whatever that has to do with any emotion feelings, its really very complicated, well, as thats because i cant understand it truly or take control of it...today, i really feel so tired loving her...yes, so tired loving her...although we had come to this state, till today, i still do love her alot and its really tiring to go through the pain every single day from time to time...

the feeling of being alone, with no one to report to, with no one to miss you, i just couldnt get used to it...im really wondering, if one day i could have the chance of getting back to her in a way or another, and if im given that chance, i wont set it loose ever again...

i just came back from singapore...i was all excited because i taught i can enjoy myself and be happy for the day but along the way, i just kept thinking of her, thinking how would she love this and that...i were in the chocolate shop, it was her favourite! i really taught of buying it, for her...but then, whats the point? i couldnt even give it to her...seeing people along the way, walking and talking so lovingly just makes me so jealous...i once had everything i ever wanted, and i taught i had nothing to lose and i will never lose...the fact is that whenever you think that your sky high, that is where you tend to slowly come down to ground...looking at the cable car just made me taught of the promise i made to her to bring her to the eye of malaysia during her birthday last year but then, i am never going to have that chance ever again....

all those words said, all those promises made...it cannot be forgotten, i cannot be erased, i tried to held it hard, but then, it kept slipping off through the cracks of my fingers just like particles of sand, losing it bit by bit...im so afraid that i will one day forget all those things i had with her...that is why, i tend to remind myself of what happened back there....it hurts tremendously, yet im willing to refresh myself of all those memories hoping that those times, words, promises we made to each other will forever be with me, regardless of whats coming next in the future...we never know what are we going to be like in the next 5 years, but then, living today and what you do today determines what you become next...