fearful nights

feelings grow over time...if nothing major goes wrong in any relationship between people, the bond created will only be stronger by time...same goes to the relationship between family members, between friends, between lovers...i can never blame anyone except myself for every single thing that happened...sometimes, the strongest bond between all relationships is friendship...it hardly depletes although you dont see your friends for years or even talk for that matter...too much has happened recently, it is almost like what happens in dramas...in the end, when you least expect it to happen, it happens...i had done what i could...seriously...i dare touch my heart and say, i had done every single thing the best i could for my friends...but in the end, it still comes to this point...i have nothing to say...and from now on, i couldnt do anything anymore...maybe leaving everything behind is the best option i had...starting all over again...in a brand new place...

does anyone out there knows how lonely a person can possibly feel? i cant say i have been through it all...but i know how it feels when you are starting to lose every single person around you...your friends are tired of your petty stories, your family already done whatever they could, you cant sleep although your tired, your afraid to close your eyes cuz what you see is endless darkness...in the end, you do go to sleep, but all you had is nightmares, not just nightmare but nightmares...ever experienced having multiple similar nightmares in every 2 hours when you sleep? the dream is all the same...people betray you, people leave you no matter what you do or beg, at the end of it, you in nowhere, alone...and you get up from it, looked around you, its all pitched dark, with no one beside you, with no one you can call in your phone book....you went back to sleep and the cycle happened over and over again...i had been through that moments for 3 months back there...i remember theres one night i had 4 nightmares in a row in every 1 hour...its nothing about resting, its about having flashes of what you feared most in your life...and now, its coming back...i feel so lonely and empty even when im standing in a place so crowded with people, all you wanna do is just run away, you dont wanna care about one single thing anymore but just end everything...leave everything behind...i wanna stop this feeling ever coming back...but i just dont know what i can do...