circles

i just realised that all these while, its all illusion that im getting better and moving forward...all these while, everything and all the efforts i took and all the advises i obtained from everyone around me only expanded the circle im in...all these while im still trapped in this circle, never to truly obtain happiness, never really left all those pain, all those emotion swings... the amount of pain within this circle did increase a little but one thing is sure, i felt better by day is just because this circle has expanded through time, but im still in there...i taught things slowly faded away, but then, actually, the increased space within this circle is the reason im feeling less painful, and things hit me less frequently, cuz there were more space for all these emotion thingy to move around before it hits me again...i dont know how long it would take me to break free from this circle...to be myself once again...

holidays is here once again, i were craving for it...but then, its the 5th day already...i had done nothing and my emotions are out of control...i got through each day by creating different endings for myself...the ending of all these and who would i become after all these...i wonder which ending will be mine....